Farewell Letter to Dan S.

Dear Dan “ATM” S.,

I am so fucking glad to see you leave to a city where a place called “The Manhole” was famous…you should fit right in there…literally.  I did not have the good fortune to get to know you, quite honestly you’re not my type and I often imagined what it would be like to make you bleed from the nose.  Now that you’re leaving I will never have the chance to do so.  The one good memory I have of you, which you are unaware of until now, is that brunette you made out with last week and took home.  She was actually a pre-op tranny named Sicily (said something about her penis looking like a boot…wierd) that I paid to hit on you.  From my understanding you all hit it off wonderfully until she stuck the stick in the mud and made you curl up into a fetal position and cry like a bitch in the shower.  Fucking pantie waist….

Anyways, it was a pleasure not knowing you because if I did I would have tried to stab myself in the neck with a screwdriver or turned as gay as Matt B.  otherwise known as “Mr. Facial”.  Please make sure to visit the South side of Chicago in the middle of a night while holding a 100 dollar bill and end your failure of a life in CK Money Style.